This year has been…interesting. There are very few aspects of my life that haven’t changed this year. Most of them have been good, if stressful, changes. It’s been an insane year. At one point, I realized that I needed to just stop. Stop worrying, stop planning, stop doing. I spent two or three months indulging, being lazy and just generally being self absorbed. I stayed up late and slept in. About the only thing I did that was productive was go to work. Otherwise, I pretty much sat in front of the computer and watched TV. I let so many things slide that I should have been doing. It was a good and much needed time.

I was sleeping much more than normal. I didn’t get to bed until about three or four in the morning, if not later. I was about as lazy as you can get.

I planned on doing this until the end of the year, about six months. Just take a much needed sabbatical. But three months into my self-indulgent laziness, I started wanting my old self again.

I soon started sleeping less, and am now back to my old schedule of sleeping a few good hours a night, which has always been my normal.

Soon, I was planning again. Getting ready for the new year. It’s going to be a busy and much awesome year. Things that I had let fall by the wayside will be picked up, brushed off and improved. Projects I’d dropped will be started again. Things will be made. MANY things will be made!

I also started getting rid of things that I no longer needed in my life. I started putting things back in my life that I have been missing, or adding things that needed to be there, but weren’t.

I will finally finish my garden. This is the biggest one, and the one I let slide the most. I pretty much have to start all over again. But that’s fine. I’ll take it section by section. I will finally have that awesome garden I’ve been dreaming about. I think I know where to put the grapes too! It’s going to be a lot of work. I’m pretty much going to double dig the entire yard to get as much grass out of it as possible. (Yes, I’d still rather double dig a tenth of an acre of land than mow!) I’ll probably even buy compost! I know, sacrilege. But…the compost pile is one of the things I let go this year. It won’t be too long before it’s up and running again though, but until then, most of the yard is still about as devoid of nutrients as you can imagine after almost thirty years worth of monthly commercial yard sprays, even after almost five years of rest & slow improvements. It needs a huge jump start. The only thing that will grow are weeds and grass. And in my mind, most grass is a weed.

I will make more cheese & charcuterie, and will expand on both. I’ll finally make that beer I’ve been wanting to do. And at least one batch of mead. Heck, maybe even make some wine. I’ll make soap. I’ll finish my quilts. I’ll also finish off those pouches. I’ll make so many things I will get scared that I’m going to run out of cloth.

I’ll write. I’ll start my journal again. Yet another thing that got dropped like a stone. They are important to me, and I miss them.

I will plan more. I will be more social. I’ll do more outside of my own little world. Heck, I even plan on having people over during the holidays next year!

I will move more. I dropped any and all exercise in the past year, or even really any pretense of it. I miss going out on the trails and dragging home cool rocks, bones and bits and pieces of things that I find on my hikes. I miss the solitude, and the occasional danger. I miss the consternation in only planning a hike of a mile or two, then realizing at mile three that I might want to head back….another three miles. I love that feeling.

You know what? In spite of not doing any real exercise, I still managed to lose almost 65 pounds this year! Five of that was even during the holiday season. It’s amazing what finally being happy will do for you.

I feel like, at the age of forty-four, I’m finally a grown-up and can live the life I want. It’s going to take an incredible amount of work, and it’s going to be tough and exhausting, but I’m finally going to be able to be that person that I’ve always wanted to be. And that is an awesome thing.

And tomorrow, if we don’t get rain, I’m going to go hiking. At the very least, I’m also going to plant garlic.

mello-dramatic:

Everyone who reblogs this will get the title of a book to read based on their bio/posts.

Everyone. I mean it.

Well…considering that I have next to nothing on my blog, and tend to hide in the woodwork and just lurk, I’m really interested to see what you, a total and complete stranger, would pick for me to read! I’m also patient. I realize that tons of people will respond to this.